Recently I saw something where people had posted 17 things they would change, want, or expect from 2017 and I thought I would join in and share my own list on my blog!
I hope you find some inspiration and if you post your own list please share your link in the comments and I'll come by and read your list and wish you the best!
Here is to a beautiful New Year full of love, health, and wealth!
Do you love Amazon.com? I do! I have been a Prime Member for almost two years and I love the many aspects of Amazon Prime and Amazon. This is not a sponsored post, I just love Amazon so much and have some exciting news to share with you about how you can get $5 off any purchase on Amazon! I wanted to share, I love saving money, couponing, getting freebies so when I saw that I could share a $5 off coupon with my friends (as you know I call every reader a friend) I really wanted to post a blog about it!
I am very excited about this Book Giveaway, it's growing constantly and I'm the 50th blogger to participate! I will be giving away my new favorite book (don't give away the ending I haven't finished yet) called "The Girl on the Train" which is pretty full suspense! I really enjoy reading it and it's my last book for a while because I have to start a new book for school on the 9th. I'm trying to read it before school starts but I will make an exception because I want to know what will happen! I'm very excited to be joining these other bloggers! Come back to this blog posting on the 19th for your chance to win!
If the Linky does not work, please go to BookHounds to see the completed list!
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Aesop was surely correct when he said this! The sad fact is in 2016 I learned this lesson the hardest! I was rallied around when I was in the hospital, when I was living in the hospital I felt lonely in the disease but supported emotionally. Everyone offered for me to call them and talk, or text, or message; I was constantly getting messages daily asking how I was doing and letting me know they were thinking about me and praying for me. I was overloaded in love and support! I got used to that feeling!
I knew it would dwindle when I received my transplant, it would of course get stronger if I had complications (which I did) and even if I got sick (which I did) after my transplant and had to be hospitalized. Yet, what I didn’t expect was for someone I wrongly considered my best friend to walk out of my life for a stupid reason. I’m sure they didn’t think it was a stupid reason. I would like to think they were thinking without using their head or their heart and assumed that I would hurt them!
There is no truth in that! After my transplant I don't have the time, space, effort, or energy to hurt anyone and the fact that this person did not know that I would have never hurt them, really hurt! I realize there is a reason they walked out, and I will not need them in my life even if they apologized. I have already forgiven them in my heart but the way they walked out of my life was disgusting and I think most people would agree! They were with me in the beginning of this, they would be on the phone with me for hours when I cried about when I found out I would need a dual-organ transplant, they helped to talk me through the choices and fears, and I honestly believed they'd be there for my recovery.
I was shocked when they blocked me on Facebok without a word, a message, a text, a big ole "F&%K you!" because I thought we were closer than that or more mature than that, at least. I truly couldn't believe this person who I had told my deepest secrets to, considered a sister, and really believed was a forever friend just blocked me! I actually noticed because I went to send her a facebook message telling her I was home and seeing when she could talk because I was so excited to feel good enough to talk to my best friend about everything I had endured! I wanted to make sure she had time because she has children. I will never forget looking at my mom as the tears welled up in my eyes and I didn't understand, so I texted her. I had hoped maybe something really dramatic had happened and she shut her profile down, she surely wouldn't block me as I just had gotten out of the hospital only 2 days ago! I had lived in the hospital for 7 months, I had not talked to anyone on the phone but her, and three other people the entire time I was there. I was too tired, and these people didn't put any added stress on me. They knew I didn't care that someone got married, or was getting a divorce, or cheating , or whatever gossip people brought to me before my transplant (now I flat out tell everyone that I don't want to hear it)!
I then started getting messages asking me what was happening! I didn't hear back from her when I texted her so basically I asked what the people messaging me/calling me had heard and I started getting screenshots and I literally could not stop crying. I was also on a high dosage of steroids so I was extremely sensitive and couldn't hold myself together. I was being called all sorts of weird names, and things were being said about me that were really untrue. I then was told by someone who I hardly knew (my "friend" is a blogger so she tends to have very personal relationships with people she doesn't even know) that she was mad at me for adding a relative she did not trust or speak to.
First of all, we both went to the same high school and this said relative wrote me and told me they didn't want any trouble and had heard I was very sick and wanted to pray for me. I had no intention of becoming close with this person (even though we have now which is amazing because she's a great person, mother, woman of God, and I'm happy we are close friends but had my "friend" stayed in my life my relationship with her relative would have had no bearing on my relationship with her), but I didn't want any unneccesary drama, and let's face it I had almost died so I really wasn't in the mindframe to turn people who wanted to pray for me away! I was just grateful another person was willing to pray for me. I truly can't believe the person I considered my best friend deleted me for something so petty.
Look, I hardly have family! I have cousins who I don't speak to, aunts, uncles, etc. who I don't speak with and who have many friends of mine on their Facebook pages. Do I know if they talk, or just comment here and there? Do I know if my name is mentioned, if they constantly update my relatives about what I'm doing? I honestly do not have time to care if they do, and I thought this person would have realized I would have never said a word to their relative about them. I would not have spoken to either about the other. I honestly think this is a cop out reason, and I really did when I received a letter from a third-party (who NEITHER of us know in person) telling me all the things I did wrong. I again thought this person was mature enough to send me a direct message (she could have blocked me right after for all I cared) but to send it through a third-party who neither of us know (it could have been someone who was pretending to care about her). What honestly hurt was she also blocked my mom, who did nothing to her! This third-party also told my mom about the situation the day it happened (about my my so-called friend who was now angry at me for adding their relative) and then was angry at both of us (my mom and I) for talking about this situation since I had asked this third-party why my "friend" would not speak to me (now remember her daughter was crying after having a dual-organ transplant and almost dying more than 7 times, her child who had spent almost 3 months in the ICU, learned to walk again, feed herself again, talk without a trach, breath without a trach, and so many more things that a parent should never have to watch their child endure so forgive my mom for caring enough to try to calm me down). I was shocked when this third-party sent me a letter from my "friend" a few days later and then blocked me but not before telling me they believed my friend was correct in her decision and that I was a horrible person. I honestly did nothing to this person, who did not know me enough to tell me anything about myself, as I had only added them right before my transplant surgery thinking they would be praying for me.
What hurts the most is not my friend walking out of my life, as I have realized when people do this they aren't really there for you or to care about you. It is the fact this this person could not speak to me like an adult, I would have cried and been emotionally hurt by them telling me everything but I woud be able to respect them as a person now. I can't respect anyone who hides behind a computer screen. I also lost a lot of respect because this person is nothing like what they seem to be, they talk constantly about compassion and understanding but showed me none of this. They wrote statuses that were public for months about me, and still sometimes mention me, it really is sad and pathetic when you think about it. I'm surprised I feel for their crap for such a long time, they don't care about anyone but themselves and are one of the most self-centered people I know. You can't write about being an empath (I am one but that is a story for another blog) and say negative things about people, I don't believe I have said anything negative about her in this blog I am just telling my side of the story. I would never call her a cuss word, talk about her parenting, or lifestyle, etc. I am hurt by her actions especially not talking to me and talking about me (especially to people who didn't know me and wrote horrible things in the comments and she could have said something like "Hey I'm being harsh but you don't need to be" but she just let them call me horrible names. I finally had to delete people who were sending me screenshots because I would end up crying for hours. Not because I'm weak but because I was in the process of recovering from a surgery that almost took my life, dual-organ transplants aren't a joke, they are a major surgery that very few people will ever need to experience and she had the nerve to do this when I was only out of the hospital for two days.
I really hope one day she thinks about what she did and how she acted and I hope she realizes this was such an ugly side of her. I really hope she knows how horrific she looked during this, and I even reached out to her friend who happens to be able to be friends with us both and tell her that honestly I was tired of hearing about it but it was even worse that people we grew up with would be talking about her character. Most people just stayed on her page because she truly just embarrassing herself. I refused to laugh with them, and when something happened to her or happens to her and people write me and let me know, I don't think it is funny. I even wrote to tell her friend that I had blocked someone who was making fun of her having a medical condition she couldn't afford to take care of and to please let her know I wasn't involved in this. I don't want to be involved in anything that hurts her, I just needed to finally get this out of my system so I can finally close 2016 and stop being afraid everyone is going to hurt me. I only reached out to her friend because she's blocked me on all sites and she's known to threaten to have the police called when you try to talk to her like an adult and I didn't need that stress this year. It's been 7 months since we have spoken and it will be 7 decades (we will both most likely have passed by then) until I'd ever speak to her again. The pain she caused me this year was something I can forgive from afar but I would never be able to have a conversation with her. I am glad I could vent about it and leave it behind. Sometimes realizing that people hurt you but that doesn't mean everyone is bad is so healing. I thank you for listening.
My question to you is, have you ever had a fake friend? What happened?
I guess with an introduction ...
My name is Erin ...
I'm 34 years old (I will be 35 in April) ...
I'm married to a wonderful man ...
I have amazing parents ...
and in February of 2016 I had a heart and liver transplant ...
That is what I really started this blog for ... as a place to document my "delicately disastrous" life and how I'm doing now that I have been transplanted! I was born with several Congenital Heart Defects and endured quite a bit to survive up until my transplant, since I was born with these malformations of the heart this is a whole new world for me.
Double Inlet Left Ventricle
d-Transposition of the Great Arteries
My first pacemaker at 9 and then a replacement at 22 years old. I have never known anything different, but in 2013 I learned I would need a heart and liver transplant. I had always expected a heart transplant, but figured I would be 45 or 50 years old before it happened. The truth is I thought I would die before needing one. When I learned in 2013 I would need both organs it was estimated that my body could wait 5 to 10 years before I would be even put on the list, but when I had a heart catherization and liver biopsy it was discovered that my Fontan (the live-saving heart surgery that re-routed everything when I was only 4 1/2 years old) was now failing and I was in Congestive Heart Failure and also I had Stage 4 Cardiac Cirrhosis. This happened late in 2014 and I felt so defeated because I believed the procedure could wait, it wouldn't have changed the outcome as there was nothing that could be done but still it was very defeating.
My mom was diagnosed for the second time with breast cancer in 2013 and I put off everything so our family could focus on her, I am blessed and happy to say she's in remission and doing wonderfully!
I didn't know what to do, or where to turn, or how to feel. How do you rationalize needing two organs, the process of getting on the list, and so much more. I ended up having to go several states away to be evaluated because no hospital in my area (I live in the Washington, DC Metro area and the hospitals are amazing here and very cutting edge but they couldn't do the surgery I needed to survive!) could do the surgery. I learned the surgery would be intensive and very complex and I might not even survive the first part of it to get to the actual organs going into my body. My Fontan which was already failing would be taken down, and I would have a surgeon internally make my anatomy normal, this in itself was extremely risky. I took in all the information and I knew the other option was death and compassionate care.
The truth is I had my heart set (no pun intended) on compassionate care, I was terrified to endure a dual-organ transplant and when I did the research and read everything I clammed up. I closed myself off to the idea and started talking myself into being content with death. It was my family who helped me realize that it was fear talking and the truth is I really did want to live, but I was scared and that was okay. I had to make a decision, whether I wanted to meet with the doctors in a different state and see what they had to say or if I wanted to choose hospice care. I had a lot of time to think, prepare, and rationalize because I had to stop working in 2009! The truth is I think quite a bit!
I called several different places that helped with compassionate care, and it scared me ... once I made this decision I had no other choice. Eventually, it would be too late to change my mind, my body would be too weak to survive a transplant! That is what scared me the most!
I prayed a lot ... I started reading my Bible daily, praying for hours, crying when I needed to, and trying to really make a decision that would help not only me but everyone else in the world too. I knew this would be a journey but I never believed it would turn out the way it did, and while I ended up having several complications from the transplant; I cannot ever regret the decision to fight for my life when there was not another option!
Around this time last year, I ended up scheduling an appointment to have a transplant evaluation at the hospital I ended up having the transplant surgery at. I didn't know if I would even be accepted in the program. The entire process took a week, and ended up taking months to get me listed. I started my journey with a lot of research. I read article after article about how risky the procedure would be, what would be needed from the donor (extra collateral blood vessels and many other things besides the heart and liver), and how the surgery was preformed. I scared myself into "fight mode" and realized when I walked in to that evaluation I was over prepared and knew most of what they were going to explain. I think this worked in my favor, because they had to realize that I was not only taking this process seriously but also highly educated about my heart condition, the deterioration of my body, and what a dual-organ transplant would entailed.
I ended up being listed 9/30/15 and by October I was moved up to a 1B which is the 2nd highest on the list, but it meant I could still live at home while I was listed. I would just get a call one day and have to get to the hospital within a certain amount of time which seemed like a good plan. I was still able to take care of myself without much help and I could still do things like go to doctor's appointments, grocery shop, and go to physical therapy. In November I realized I was quite overloaded with fluid (I had been hospitalized a lot for kidney failure/injury and I had just gotten out of the hospital in October) and when I went to the appointment out of state at the hospital (even though it was a doctor's office visit) they noticed too! They asked me if I minded missing Thanksgiving so they could get the fluid under control ... I had no idea then I would not be home until June 1st of the next year!!!
I'm Erin and I am the "Lady in the Home" in fact this name stems from being the only lady in my home. I have a wonderful husband and an amazing dog named Zeus. We are currently in the process of purchasing our first home, which we built. My blog documents my life in the home, as a college student, and lover of so many things. I had a heart and liver transplant Valentine's Day weekend in 2016, and so I also write about my recovery from that. I love to give my opinion about different things pertaining to our new home and if you work for a company that would like to be featured on this blog please email:
erinmriha (at) gmail (dot) com